Jungle Fever

I’ve never had a really bad case of Jungle Fever but sometimes I feel I tend to display certain symptoms. I love my black women, don’t get me wrong, I seriously do.
Nowadays, though, I find myself walking through a shopping mall, wondering when white girls became so pretty. Damn! Blame it on the media or pop culture or whatever you want but this democracy has borne some fruit, in my opinion. I would date a white girl. In fact, I’m curious to the extent that I can say with conviction that I’ll grab the first opportunity that would present itself – forgive me, Mama – but I’d even marry a white girl (as long as she’s willing to learn isiXhosa).
Yet some conservative types have said that it’s improper, it’s unnatural; “The children will have an identity crisis”. This confuses me somewhat. Unnatural? As improper as a woman copulating with a horse, maybe? Perhaps ethnic cleansing is a little more natural. Anyway, who says that there must be a line drawn? I don’t think that ‘mix-breed’ offspring should have any confusion. They’d have just as much black blood as white. The choice would be theirs as to which race they belong to (or would benefit by belonging to). I’m the product of a Xhosa gent and a Zulu lady. I see myself as a Xhosa man, largely due to my upbringing but I acknowledge Zulu culture as a part of my heritage. Yes, I know you’d say it’s not the same thing but think about this carefully. Where do you draw the line? Look at the closest white person to you. How white are they really? Is there a barometer to measure a person’s ‘whiteness’ or ‘blackness’? How thin are their lips and nose? How flat is his or her arse? Are they blond, ginger or brunette? Would Hitler have thought they were white (not to say he was a knowledgeable source on this subject)? All this time I thought that we all descended from a common ancestor.
Over a couple of smoothies or so, a coloured friend of mine proposed that each race has its own distinct odour. I can be a sensitive soul – at least I try to be. I don’t believe in classifying people according to stereotypes, skin colour, religion, sex etc. So one would understand why it is that I found this proposal so repulsive. Alas, my friend is my friend because he’s of common interest, commonly good stock and has opinions I respect so I humoured him.
Apparently – I’m still in the process of researching this – the human being has a set of ‘glands’ in their backs. Now these glands are developed differently for each race, secreting various hormones that turn into odours exuded from the pores – especially in times of stress. These odours can be disguised by your ordinary eau du toilettes and body lotions but only temporarily due to the bodily processes of sweating and skin absorption.
So, according to my friend, white people have a “rubbery” smell, Indians have a “herbal” smell and black folk have a slightly “pungent” smell. He’s still working on the Chinese elements of his theory. But, of course, he neglected to describe the coloured smell. I can deduce, though, that it’d be something between rubbery and pungent. Unfortunately, I cannot take this opinion which sounds like it may be scientifically sound but lacking in facts seriously.

Why would it be more acceptable for an Indian individual to date a white individual than if I was dating a white girl? Is it because the product would be a solution that isn’t as diluted? How much closer to white are they, than us? Just because they weren’t previously as disadvantaged as we were does this make them whiter?
Who then says I can’t marry and reproduce with a white woman and have offspring who’d be more South African than we both are?
Maybe I’m insane. Maybe I’m an Uncle Tom. I don’t know. I don’t think I’m the only one who shares this sentiment. Businessman/Politician Tokyo Sexwale shares my sentiment and, as a result, he made an astute career move by marrying Judy. Look at the former Botswana president Sir Seretse Khama.

I find Afrikaner women most attractive out of all these beautiful Caucasians. Mostly because they resemble black women with their physiques – the big thighs, waist sizes that are inversely proportional to their hips and usually big booties. It’s like getting the best from both worlds, only different. On the flip-side, I would find it difficult to be content with black women who have traditionally ‘white’ physiques. Which would you prefer?
I also like Afrikaner women because of their generally confrontational demeanor. I am always certain of where I stand with them – they either like me or hate me or are indifferent.

If this all seems somewhat superficial and maybe slightly judgmental then perhaps I am fickle. I know it’s all about who we are inside as people, that’s why I wouldn’t marry an airhead of a white woman who thinks that Zuma is a brand of shower gel.
Yet, even as our society still frowns upon the vanilla/chocolate combination we still have the pioneers who brave the waters and blaze trails for us who have the fever and, also, our descendants. I salute you guys and girls. Have your porkchop and eat it!
Word is bond.